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Lost in a horid . Scumming swamp. Lost is all that was my heart. What was the thought that gave me power? Where is the time the next lonely hour?
Come enjoy my every pain. See all my sorrows. Come see me drowned and die my happy death. Come witness my rebirth. The dieing of the witch. I once thought all was right here. But that ended with the closing of the door. I now see the lies here the The unopened truth. I now see the tears here. That spill from blind eyes. I lost all I had here to the unappointed judge. He took me for the ride. Then put me aside a whore . I know now I will die here. Not alone or affraid. But I will die with a smile as I see the bed is made. The whore will eat of me and come of innocent blood. Then bring forth the womb which I will hibernate within. Then I will see the new rebirth of this fucking town. Because I will be the new rebirth of this pathetic town. I will show them all the sights and bring the tower down. Last of all I will be the ruler of this all . Cast forth and you shall see the ruin that is now.

 

Another Christmas

 

Another Christmas .
A whole New Year.
So many new unshed tears.

My Last Christmas hurt so
much. I think I turned
away from touch .

So much laughter to be
shared . But no new
happiness for me this year.

I think back and try to
remember . My very last
Happy December.

Its hard to know the truth
the cost. The burden is not
always lost.

To which is me . The only
one. To wish a Merry Christmas
to everyone.

Myself I do not care. My life
seems to depleat. As Christmas
nears. I lose my seat.

The warmth the whole damned show
Is nothing for me anymore.

It s like the lights go out
and the door is closed .

From year to year . I hope I
pray . Sometime I'll return to
that happy day.

But still no luck. Lost again
my life is stuck .

The Christmas air is in my my
heart. But now my life will
fall apart.

 

Death

I feel it descend upon me what else could it be I thought. I could handle it but I guess all the time it was me . To this day I think about it all the time . I think I had a problem but I thought the future was mine . I held everything in my hands looking for the purpose the original plans . I know now that it was not for me to see . I can only stand on the edge praying for me .To what desperate fight was I late for . I can't handle it I'll say no more. If life was my gift then death will be a treasure. Last to leave this unearthly hell . That once was my pleasure .Goodbye send my love to those that I hold dear. Sorry I can't stay. But I'll take deaths hand and have no fear.

 

 

Eternal

I'm losing it slow all I now have.
will leave me hollow. It's not that
the comfort was never enough. But
that the very effort was lost without
trust.

My very being. Falling apart. Inch by
Inch. Brick by brick. I knew it wouldn't
stick. To and fro without knowledge .
Without feeling or reason.

What the fuck? Why the Hell? I wish I knew one so well. I couldn't save the man I love.So I let go and from above .

My death at last. My end has come . I lost
him. He loved me. I let go. So know I see..

 

 

Fate

I look around back at my life and wonder what it was all for.But as I look at your face I realize it was worth more .. and I can't seem to forget the smile on your face .. as I remember our first embrace .

 

I think ahead towards the future and realize what I have to look forward to . I look in your eyes and know I have found love .Something so complete could be no less .. and I find that my life changes evermore evreyday .

 

 

I know it is you that makes that something come alive .. But what that something is .. could never of lived if there had not been you.
I know its unknowing of me to say .. But I'll say it anyways .. My life would never have been this sweet if not for you ..

 

If you could only look into my heart and see just what you mean to me .I think you would find that life would never have been .. If not for you I know you know that I live to be with you .. and my whole being lays in the palm of your hand ..

 

For if not for you where would I be today .. You showed me what real love was suppose to be .. and I could not be more grateful than to have you here with me ...

 

I know what life can be like without someone to ....hold....to protcetyou from the cold .. and it looks as though to be ... just you and me ...
For the rest of my life and beyond .. you will always be my fate...

 

 

Happy Anniversary

To my Love my only being

The cold morning sun on my face ..
A sunny warm embrace all the treasures
you could ever hold . Alined and faced
in gold

To be true and always there not to turn
away from care . Just to learn and be
held . To recall the errors that have
failed .

To see and hear and not be scared . To know the truth and always care . Not the last
of the dieing breed. But the new of this
creed .

I choose my path and landed well. I hope
to never see the gates of Hell. But if I
die before I wake. I pray my love not for
my sake . But for your own .. ...

That my love be for yours that owned ....
a piece of my soul will always be with ..
in the mornin a promise of my kiss .

To know to feel the way I do ... I wish the
stars and moon for you . Not a day passes
that I don't pray . The lord should never
take one of us away .

To you my love my only truth . I can't learn to love any other but you .. I hope these words will keep you well and hold you strong . In anytimes when I am gone ..

May I be just away .. or may it be the last of which when I am layed to rest .

But keep you well knowing of my wish . I love you so very much . I will always be there with you forever on and keeping your face within my sight .. For I know as I hope you might .

That you will never be alone at night .. The simple thing .I started out to say . Turned out very long . But I hope you read in with love what I have said will always be strong ...

 

I Close my eyes

I cry in the night I shed my tears . I cry my stupid tears of pitty and rage and all the other bullshit that exists. I think it is okay to be like that .

Why is it I can't think to clear these days. When I should be able to . I know what part of my problems are I don'tknow what to do I am confused in to many ways I think I should know what to do but I don't. .

How is it possible to exist in this state. I am not sure I don't want to know anymore. It should be easy to do. But I begin to think everything I say makes no sense.

In the end I know it is nothing but my stupid tears and prideholding me back . From the point that should be mine. I close my eyes and try to sleep .

But sleep won't come to me I know why . But there is not much I can do to help it any . It just slips just out of grasp everytime.The sense the knowledge . That I need to have but can't seem to find.

So I close my eyes once again to sleep and dreams come to me . I see in these dreams the way things are suppose to be but it is to much so I wake myself . To keep from finding to much .

Tell me why am I so scared to admit to myself the real reasons I can't come to the conclusion that is so simple to see for everyone else but not for me. I'll close my eyes and dream somemore .

Maybe someday all of this will make sense . But for now I know only how to sleep and pretend. I'll probably die in these dreams .But not the real reason that should have been my cure.

Know not of my death but of my life and my mistakes . Know that in the house of those who confuse that I was one of many to die . In the warremember me in this way .

I was not meant to be in the hell that is now my place. I choose this myself don't follow this path it will lead you away . In to the depths of confusion. That took me from my proper place.

Think of all the real problems that you have .Not the imagined ones that you think you have .Don't let them take you . Don't give up yet.In the end it will be worth the life you live if you try.

 

 

I could fall in love

Your words and understanding
are as wonderful as
sun in a new day.

 

Your laugh and sense of style
are sure to stay.

 

Stay close to my heart. In the
most secret place.

Your heart is good.Your personality
I wish everyone had.

Your funny and charming.
Absolutely captivating.

 

This is why I think you should
know everything you do.


Makes me think I could fall
in love with you.

 

 

Insane

To blink to see the death in me .
Soon coming again. I see it fast and
the pain will last means nothing to me .

I feel the hole of what was done still
deep and burning within I close my eyes
and fantasize this delerium never ends.

I scrath my skin so very thin. Within
these paded walls the blood trails down
and I believe again it will be soon .

The very sight is done tonight now
sleep is what I need. But those who
kill for fun. Can never close their
eyes.

I seek the way back a day to find
what I had missed but in the dark.
Another heart shall beat within my
fist.

The blood is more and less before.
What art was like to me and all the
same I see the gain to wash away
as it begins to rain.

The coolest hours longest dazes.
All seem the same now. But to us
all the lifes we live are driving
us insane.

I awake to find the blood still
where it was last night. The
thought escapes me. I need to quit.

But blood is my passion my one
pure joy. So here I go the last
in show to kill. I see the fire
feel the heat and die before my
feet.

 

 

Last Dazes

In dreams I see this island. Bland and yet beautiful. To what do I owe this great honor of fates?I just saw this lovely face. Where do I go? What should I say to have you here with me everyday.

To which day do I say the words I long to say? What is there to be if not for that day.

When there will be a you and me. Why is it hard to just say what I feel. When these are truer than most. So what do I say when you look my way and I fall in love with you. So say to me the truest. Tell me all you know . Listen when I tell you my problems I have that you should know. I know it's hard. But is it true.

But for us to truly love each other . The trust must be in me and you . Which was there in this time.

 

When I was heartbroken shattered in my mind. You where there to help me through the good times and bad .

So speak to me the truth . Tell what there shall be . For I need to know. So if it's to end I can save me.

 

Poem 1

Where to go what to do? Anyway to tell you . I just thought of a way to be the woman I believe I am but she is a bitch . To much to stand . I caught a chill in her embrace . A thought of death in her face . I should have known all the time . Her cheecks were rosey her lips like wine. I caught death that very day . Then fell silent as her prey . What could be more beautiful than to be her's.

Lost in this demention lost in her time . Caught up in all that is mine . I see her smile feel her warm embrace . Then I am lost without a trace . She is the last of her kind. The only breed which was never kind. I love her though with all of my heart . The curse of her will tear me apart. This shall be my last.

Death is upon me to do this task . I will resolve this love of mine soon. Then I leave this world of crazies who think they are so smart. I'll leave this world but with my heart.

 


Mothers Mourning Prayer

A child was born today no breath to give .
A life so precious no longer lives . In
one sweet moment a child is lost .

In this port the storm will pass.
The hurt the loss will always last .
But in the memories of the time .
A child is gone that once was mine .

To see the smile to hug them tight .
My tears will flow free tonight .
I cry my tears and turn off the light.
No sleep will come to me this night.

I know I will remember this child always.
The feel ,the heart ,the soul and mind .
I know in my heart my loss is great .
But what to do when it comes to fate .

My heart will ache an come to see .
My child will always be with me.

 

 

Queen of Spades

Tears flowing freely. Leaving all that'sreal.Giving into death . Having my last meal.I give into it. Just let go. All that I held dear. Now left to be alone.

I sit and stare in the corner hoping for some light . But seeing nothing in this corner as I hoped I might. I remember love. Just so fleetingly . I remember the feelings that lead to death in me.

I remember killing all that I once had. I still recall the evening I left you standing mad . To each his own is said . But that's not meant for me. To death is for the sinner. It left me on my knees.

I hoped one time for better but that time never came.I seat myself to dinner and slowly go insane .I cried my tears and turned off the lights. Death will come to see me tonight.

So I slip into my sleep and dream of things I still have to keep. If I awake in the morning next. I'll turn my head and forget the things I dread.

Just keep within myself and soon it will all fade.Leaving into black ................................
My heart the Queen of Spades.

 

 

The Lottery

Dark and cold nights lost and full of fright.
The only sounds I hear. Seem to be coming near.On and on threw this maze. Like a damned rat in a cage.

Through one way I will find my freedom .State of mind.Out and open wide the brain I pick tonight. The heart ,the soul my very own .Tossed aside and left petrified.
Solid and yet soft.l Raising failure pays th cost. To in my mind of lost souls each shall walk alone. Into there death. There sweet last breath. Shall return to me. The love,the hate, and for their fate I win once again.The Lottery never ends ....................................

 

 

Understanding

Love covered and forgotten ..
Darkness surrounds this great thing ..
This suppose to be famous story that
we call love .. But how do we know
for sure that it is real .. and how do
we know its not ...

I don't know the answers to this question
But I know that it once was real .. But how in this world and how when things are so screwed up .. But yet it seems the perfect time

But I do not understand .. How could love ever be . How could of so much beauty be real .. when life is so ugly and cruel .. When life is not worth what we pay for it ..But only worth what we wait for ..

Maybe love is that thing we wait for .. and hope for .. but why do we crave this thing so badly and what is the need that we satisfy when we find this thing .... I don't know but whatever the nurishing our bodies need is what we bring to it and I want to know ..

Where does this bring us to know when we finally fall .Does anyone know ??? Does anyone care ?? Can we answer the questions that await us there .. ?? Is it nescesary to love .. would or bodies minds souls die without it ??? I don't know .. I am not sure

That leaves me with questions of my own and answers to seek .Maybe I will find out someday .. Right now I don't know .. For now I will only satisfy ..

 

Untitled

Soaked in blood running but not sure where to go its all out of control . Its so far gone I just don't know .What the Hell is wrong theres no way to know .

It just keeps up this way never knowing whats right or whats wrong to much to figure out. Just trying to find out long enough to hold on.

God won't you help me I don't know what to do its just to much the things I have to do.Where do I find the time to figure out which way to turn or do I keep running and never have the time to learn.

The life that I have . Its just so much in to little time . To know what do I have to find the time but which is it to be. Stop and find the time or let kill me.

The tears won't fall

I see your face at night but no
words but those to fight and still
the tears won't fall.

I try to hide my face in your strong
embrace and still the tears won't fall.

We fight every night and say words we both
don't mean and still the tears won't fall.

I try to see the light and make things right
and still the tears won't fall.

I kiss your lips at night and hold oh so tight
and still the tears won't fall .

I know the words to say and still I fight them
everyday yet still the tears won't fall.

I wonder alone in bed what I could have said and
now the tears fall .

After everything is done and the fighting has
been one I cry . The tears fall and come in a
torment .

I wonder why I couldn't cry until now .. But
I know why the tears would't fall ..

Even after all the angry words and all the
changing swords ..

I see the truth now and the tears fall..
They fall like rain and come again..again

And I let them come and wash me away and calm
my angry soul .. they sooth my tortured mind.

And remind me of a time long before you and I
when I used to cry all the time .. I see the
door before my heart slowly torn away .

And I cry for you the one I tossed away ..